For Years He Stood going on about not being able to get in the gate!
The Clairaudience on him
Made me feel like stretched wool
Strangled in hate
Tried and tired
I just couldn't break free
Same words sentences and phrases on repeat
Couldn't tell it was me?
Something said to me
I got on I moved on yet it continually felt like nothing had been accomplished
Same old set
Couldn't tell it was me?
Freaked out
Name rung out
Why should I need to know who it may be?
Blinked my eyes
And in a blink of an eye I seen this guy
Pasted greasy dark floppy stringy hair
Creamish suite
With his leg already in the gate at the top of those old familiar basement stairs!
The rear of the house
Those front steps where once blood red
I can't stop
Yet i can't go on
Fizzled out are the design patterns before they come
A cheeky guy looking as stealthly as mud pie
With small slit eyes
Pale to very fair light skinned
Such was his complexion
No contrast from the suit he was wearing
How did he just slip in directly looking right at me yet he was not real and only appeared in a split second vision.
Just another day in the life of a sketch in which each line drawn matches each line of the poem
Though the character drawn
is shown as if a whistle is being blown!
That is not so
For a doorway stands or sit below which ever you prefer...
A Mornings Debacle!
They took my pain for jealously
My ravished body as a sponge
My screams and shrieks as laughter
As they presented the most religious front in the hope of salvation and redemption from the repeated deeds done
My body then poltissed and dumped picked up again sapositarised then dumped fed then dumped held then dumped beaten up then dumped medicated for the asthma my body suffered then dumped I was always just left feeling dumped. I played even if happily with others then just dumped. Whilst the other children may have felt carefree even whilst they played around me during and after I felt dumped.
Every moment i felt dumped from a baby toddler to a child all those years before the age of consent I felt dumped. There would not be that many years before the brain starts showing Alzheimer's and dementia descent. I was the tiniest person dealing with the body of a woman not realising the living death sentence because of the warped child development I had been forced to go through.
Saying no to another sex game on the school stairs. The small upper level church toilet aligned with the balcony where sat the overflow of the congregation downstairs. It is all lives ruined raised by whose success sqandered and came back looking for us all to be torn out and thrown down again for whose truth and amusement.
But Clairaudience relieves no one there is the chuffing sound of the cursing fore father who had been present once the hell and hatred all began. Stuck on the one who sat dumped again but never returned in happiness or hate. The loud shouts and screams of a resurrection it seems as the spirits rose from the ashes and graves to see the mess and successes that was made. Some independently some so dependantly life would never be the same again.
No one healthy would covet be jealous or hate those who have genuinely ended up with wealth just for remaining true to themselves. Embeded in the truth of health is the way we make each other feel. On a day to day moment to moment basis in the run of the mill of each moment it is not always perceived or understood why we make each others feel the way we do.
In our minds there maybe brokenness and fragmentation in our memories from when we were a child with no definition of why! Pent up in adulthood as reason we do or do not feel good to do.
Failing at times is the strength to find and deal with the truth about those correct answers without any dependancy on stimulants, addiction, hate, jealously, and revenge.
I felt dumped my whole life there has been scenarios of dumped. Someone follows on my trail and I feel dumped at a level of blame. I try and I try and I have made my way. But without the knowledge and guidance of how I am to remedy a mistake at every turn my life feels like sooner or later it has amounted to incest or rape.
It is as though i was never to turn around before I was to find that I had never ever really found a first love or ever was to have a date that was not connected in some way to a close or even distant remembrance that was to link to the ravishing haunting of the incest of rape. Which attracted innocents and has marred generations. Whilst the "egos" behind success intrude upon me time and time again. Wanting to destroy every memory that may well have been a millisecond of happiness even if it were back then or now!
Unable to get better. Everyone getting on with life in a new or old normal. Ordinary cannot see the plan of a stalker to literally "marry" all areas of their psychotic revenge together!
Yet everyone is in agreement "not to tell her" so as not ruin the ongoing sadistic enjoyment of the years they knew about the years they found out about as the years she scrapped herself up from a baby to a child development of living and feeling dumped! The only thing that can change that is the ability to feel well in what sits under the bones in our head which can improve all our abilities to alchemise this utter hell and mess! My creativity stacked and shredded as intruders deposited kettle descalers as a stalkers remainders and reminders. I can only ever live in apology for the hell anyone went......through because of the hell I was put through...and that is the truth!
You can and have come after me displaying or boosting wealth and health. I am happy for your endeavours but why did and does my privacy have to suffer...is what it feels like...is what it felt like up until nigh!
Don't feel the need to begrudge any of you. So what sits true?
Collection after collection of personality disorders? Sandwiched in brain fog and multiple other diagnoses which have not been brought forward?
I had been and probably still am the bitter game for those who live and breath the needs of any mysognistic disorder dictates.
Dumped in malfunction which included sexual malfunction therefore a warped unnoticed? Years of child development and the rest of my formative years. It would be otherwise harmless for someone to try to turn up or finally be seen or be shown as trying to force me to re-live or point out those years!
They may speak well of you and have moved on to do alot of good. The good impression they may have had of you now misconstrued possibly because of jealously and the freedom that stealth has always had in a society not led by mental wealth and accurately diagnosed clarity! The power someone does or doesn't have governed by the ability to ensure masses are aware and enabled to remain healthy enough to be able to recognise how to become maintain and retain being healthy enough for long enough so that generous need not suffer for long enough to be destructive enough to undo the wholeness of planetary togetherness!
Before one can even start the spirit must have to be free...it is how my own body energetically feels and what my brain needs teaches me. Despite quarantine or lockdown be free of whatever or whosoever has bound thee.
When stalked or intruded upon it is to be free. No one may feel willing to help because you had been forced to live as nasty. Though you would have known nothing until shown and would have never known different if not told except for the same pain from the abusive level of violence damaging or impairing your mental senses to engage in imaginative higher forces to imagine you are not of this world. It is enough...it was enough to pull me to engage in a plan that will one day set me free. From good or bad memories returning to haunt or ravish me. I continue to do my best to take my responsibility honestly so as not to hinder the responsibility which doesn't belong to me.
From that and within all of us who are on the same path. We can do nothing but stand back...or to the side...and allow who can never take or give good counsel to continue in their stride. Because they are those who could never change differ or listen who will continually reproduce the same abuse toward you...around you...behind you...if allowed even ahead of you. Clinging with glee to every apology you might make for what is or is not your mistake.
They are no "sketts" made with sexual refusal it is the make do and mend of something else!
As I have taken targeted supplements to enable me to begin again to reach a quality of life where by I am not just existing and apologising day after day night after night for the misery and hell drive by stalkers and their energetic obsessive light flashing is needing. The creative forges through the houses of ordinary everyday workers and commuters. Website hackers who can change the look of your website because on your mobile phone you never signed out. Whilst your busy trying to make your life work...your phone is rising in heat of melt down whilst Clairaudience becomes the highest warning sound...
Pressed into the solar plexus is an energy I wrongly try to ignore. If i let it all out like I am doing right now. What on earth am i going to create if this does not relieve me or someone else?
My recent decision to invest in target supplements to help repair damage to my brain from my formative and subsequent years. Broke me open to the realisation of how long it has been since I became consciously aware...that through an unintentional lack of knowing how to care for myself...literally experiencing going from the inability to be able to think around a problems. Understand a bigger solution as at times I have sat frozen by my very own direction. Not knowing which way the market would go as if that would even make a difference...and then slowly I feel it. The conditions which need to be met for the vibration to be aligned for the law of attraction to work toward the good for all concerned.
...and it is back to the house and who ever it is that slipped in...It felt like it was still the days of the early settlers. You couldn't imagine the level of celebrations of those received after arriving from overseas!
So good to see the plantin and green banana again. This was before salt fish and coocoo was in almost every corner shop and more readily available. Carried over was still bad blood aka unrecognised and untreated brain health...but unspoken remained the debt of sexual violence and the years ahead which will see each and every enemy try to raise his and hers head.
And Me!
Somewhere inbetween now fully fledge nowhere near age 16. Living a dual mess. Somewhere inbetween the very sickly pittiful child and out of that the gregarious show off who felt like the annoyance to every person and situation they met.
Thank God that within any annoyance or abuse naturally the brain functions enough to pay something into its area which is able to retreat into something it enjoys. The hop and skip across the road to buy or return bottles of cream soda or lemonade...flying saucer lollipops...tubes of liquorice and sherbert...fizzing pastel sweets...cheese and onion crisps stuffed into a currant bun. Artificial Cream stuffed into fluffy soft buns and into sliced fluffy fairy cakes...and in my head much excitement about vivid colours and fashion all and nothing which did and didn't ever become freedom...visits from relatives and neighbours. Not all pre-planned. All at one time there were those you grew to absolutely adore and forget all in the very same moment though you wish happiness for them as an escape from the other miseries put on childhood events...not in any abusive way at all. But all at the same time was the undercurrent of mad behaviour regret which would go onto manifest as many different things without changing and returning to feel like the same old thing. Attacked in public timed to each moment of every outing even prior to Covid-19 lockdowns revisted almosts identical to childhood now on an even bigger scale. Yes...it is my responsibility to get up and make the changes in each moment of every part of my day. Which I do get done most of the time. But out of my control or wish for control - are those who cannot be controlled...resulting in me not being able to live as freely as I could be had certain individuals not hired, battered, or misinformed certain "throngs" of people to some how make their presence felt around me. There is no longer any need to ask why. The answer has always been just beneath the sky!
(Posted 30/94/20/ Revisited and Redited 01/05/2020 just read this back quickly ouch! So many errors! Its a good lesson for me to see the rate at which this brain functions at. Sometimes I get up and do things prior to taking those targeted supplements as can be seen! Completely hilarious. Was having a bit of a blip with painful bad memories connecting my progress back to.the passed and I almost fall apart again. Horrible realisations which thankfully remain unconfirmed as true getting inbetween the need and progress toward closure. I shall leave the frantic bits of this blog in...even if much of it is difficult for anyone to understand. Triggers can be hard to recognise and avoid at times! Thankfully I can at least recognise my blunders if I didn't ever see or know my own faults then I would be less entertained and more worried!)
Natural Flowism
A Freedom of Being!
