Whilst I am in no doubt I am strong enough to get back on track and keep moving forward despite whatever trigger may present itself within me in whatever variety of forms that may be.
I decided to open the conversation with myself anyway just so my sub-conscious always knows I am open to clearing the pathways from my brain to my heart soul and through to and beyond my spirituality process so nothing can build up or becomes stale or fermented by paranoia or a lack of understanding for appropriate responses and allocation of responsibility.
Thank Goodness that is what showed up for this Grateful morning because to get stuck down the rabbit hole of never going to be allowed out is the most unholy mess for anyone religious, spiritual, or without any kind of faith. It hurts everyone and anyone equally without exception or exemption! Be notified and advises of that!
The fact that I braved up and faced up to the fact the part of my lifes journay is that I bounced to earth got raped was supposedly loved during that period. I was definitely well cared for as a child materially and medically...without a doubt I have always been grateful for that. Whilst I never agreed with the perception of the religion at the time my spirituality was activated as a result of that introduction. Just like with being made to learn Music. It was a great introduction to a level of commerce and a potential direction of monetary abundance for future success that unfortunately I was not fully aware of at the time neither could I see because eventually all my attention energy and mentally became constantly distracted and embroiled in try to get over it all!
Even to this day I try and step on without taking time to replenish myself. Sometimes somehow I feel like even taking time to write will drag me back to where I didn't want to go. But infact it is doing exactly the opposite. It is allowing me to see more clearlt. I could hardly see it let alone say previously in most of my works.
I was very well looked after as a child materially not without alot of blood sweat tears and copious hours of hard work and due diligence carried by my late parents.
I could barely see or say that before so covered in and distracted by the scrumage and battering of abuse at the time and distractions since.
I was very well looked after as a child medically most of all though my persona could never show it at the time. As I grew from cradle to teenage in my late parents house. I became less gregarious by nature as the level of responsibility of the life ahead of me dawned on me...especially the fact though I was skill I was completely ill equipped by perception and the ability to see how fully I could have utilised myself, my mind...quietly I had the deepest gratitude for the gravity of responsibility my parents found themselves dealing with. Despite that I never made peace with either of my parents before they returned to their souls journey from wherever they were prior to coming to earth to experience life with us as their children.
It is a hard and horrible thing when even if you feel love or gratitude or even just taking a moment off to feel chilled out gentle and tender but to express that can trigger danger!
Hence spiritual awakenings and self awareness which opens you up to learning to understand when to trust where and when it would be save to return home to that safe space of the tender gentle chillout without the expectation that no one else will look after you in that space the way you percieve or want too but you.
However, whilst I am still on that journey of knowing and learning how to percieve and know I am safe. I do recognise by paying attention to that and trying to keep that at a constant level awareness. That knowledge intention attention and process will surely help change levels of vibration and the orientation and direction of what life attracts.
That might sound easier said than done to someone who can barely get down the street or even out of their front door without be chirpsided, confronted, or accosted in someway. But the truth is it is something that needs to be in you internally.
The amount of times I have written and written my woes and how much it pissed me off vexed etc...and from that written how deeply I felt and how I'd like to feel left the page forgotten about the page. Then find the page and realised I had changed and that area which had hurt before no longer held the same trigger for me.
But whilst I opened the conversation about incest and feel better for. Am now able to say I was born to two very creative and skilful people who went on to become taken with religion...including that as part of my perceptio has helped me enormously as I spent many hours as a child wondering how diferent life may have been had they just purely lived a life as artist.
Whilst I can come to that level of freedom about my past. There is still another couple of conversation I need to open within myself...simply because whilst in the process of surviving and just living things get pushed aside. Plus there is that area of what is inevitable which cannot always be a positive experience.
To lead a life of real quality I have come to realise...to enjoy love and life fully is to be aware of the internal relationship you have with you brain. Is your brain able to transmit and translate and allocate the accurate information to the correct area it is supposed to be perceived? Big stuff to me on my life journey. Thankfully!
Regarding the brain transmitting correct information and what the means to me. Especially as during the course of surviving abuses and menopause things life events relationships and circumstances can all become disoriented and trying to make sense in all the wrong places.
Recently began listening to podcast which I have not yet completed...and all I heard was the banks print money due to current crisis etc! Well! My head with the brain still inside it...took off on one curse excursion! How the rass you can have the power to print money and people in the nah have na money? Hmmm....true say I don't know or understand the full context of the banks and what was fully explained in that podcast which is why I won't name it here just in case I get it wrong but I tweet @naturalflowism. I need to go back and fully understand this thing. Correct or not this is why my brain questions what the effect of incest is still having on the decision making processes of the world? Simply because I have witnessed the areas of cruelty of those which live with or make life decision from a brain disease or damage of personality and very restrictive mental ordering and compassion. Again I am choosing to use informal terminology to get this out of my neck!
Seriously unbelievable to me if it is true that part of the universal abundance is the creative ability to print the very currency we need which will make freely means such as specialist areas of care in medicine readily and freely available to especially brain care which will inevitably change and boost the economy because less people will be trapped in traumatic abusive behaviour patterns as victim/perpetrator/survivor. It just doesn't make sense. Surviving Covid-19 world consciousness must have or must begin to change toward less feae and more proactive thinking. On personal level going through menopause for most woman is a wake up call. I became completely blindsided first in general as you get older you generally realise what you didn't see so clearly when you were younger.
But the lack of ability to see fully, and more clearly, around at least most bends and corners almost had left me for good. I felt like I was literally holding onto a ledge with a bottomless fall if I had let go.
The Brain and its ability to works correctly is significant, and important to each and every individual on this planet whilst we are here without exception or exemption. So is the function and decision making of any of us who are affected by decision making processes which are affected by anything in anyway dysfunctional by personality disorder. I swear and declare from my birth to this day that the world, this planet, and the universe is limitless in its abundance!
I know for myself as a creative I can at least make things to generate a homebased income. It has been my exasperation and frustration the amount of time it has taken to get my brain and mind healed so I can correctly connect to myself emotionally so I could do what I need to do with constantly messing it all up.
So it is not an easy or straight forward path to get things right on life or business which reflects life by product, montetary demands, and other goods and services.
So...underneath my vex curse excursion about money and what I have not as yet fully listened too so I could fully understand...is the facing up to the experience of trespass and intrusion!
Trespass and Intrusion not always seen as a crime due to technicalities in law? Again how clinically correct that is I do not know but in any given situation in life there are a myriad of scenarios which may have complex reasons and people behind them!
It started in 2006/7...or I should I began to really feel it fully and notice it more since that time. But I remain concern it had been along time behaviour pattern of someone who possibly needed treatment for bravado and a habit possibly stemming restriction or burdensome responsibility placed on them at too young of an age.
Moved in the Waterloo East area 2006. Shortly after my energy changed. It felt like I was continually be attacked by grips of absolute fear. Generally, not when I was connected to my life and planning for my future. But since the night that helicopter first appeared. After things were beyond bizzarre.
In a world where you must take responsibility for your own actions is believed to be the most responsible. I found trying explain somebody elses illness and possible criminal behaviour almost impossible. Without evidence...what evidence do you have...and other really defiant scenes created as though it was believed I knew something which of which I didn't.
There was a bit of a warning in hindsight in 2004. But I had no way of knowing with the level of knowledge I had a the time what was going to transpire and last for years.
You could live your life as diligently as you like with all the best intentions in the world. But if some who is very sick underhand and stealthly turns up some near you with intention to affect and destroy your efforts without tou realising that was their original motive. You go on living you life with the best intentions, and so does the person with the sicj intention to destroy the good you have made.
All I new is something was wrong and we were being financially targeted. I could do little to stop or stem the tide of disbelief. I became ever more nervous to leave home. I was not a celebrity. I had published a few poems and put them online. But was not widely known as I didn't have my picture online like I do now.
I knew I was neing stalked again. Was concerned it was linked to being stalked before by someone I once knew. But this time it felt evil. It was though the person or persons behind it thinking back on it now felt like they may have been incapable of compassionate feelings...and wanted me fully exposed for what I don't know because incest is enough in before you are forced into. I knew nothing before I was forced to learn their ways and begin the journey to be myself and not what others had forced me into and tried to force me to become.
It just isn't a one way journey or street. Just as being one of many siblings isn't especially where there is problematic behaviours including rape which hurts other people. The problematic behaviours especially if stuck prolong the suffering of others. What back in the day may have been rape which may have created an additional families. Can go onto to become an all out war to try and gain protect and preserve a financial present and future. To stay in such financially restrictive emotionally distracting abuses can mean a loss of self and the ability to be responsible. Even if you get out and try to live freely...not try to revenge anyone but just try to get on. It does not stop those who are hurt or who to take responsibility for their own treatment. Nothing stops them from persuing for their own jealously and pain, sadly enough which come back to whether the brain after abuses can direct you to the best perception which will allow you to fully recover and heal.
I don't know who the intruders are that trespassed into my home. But all I remember is after 2006 September. A short time after I felt like the absolute piss was being taken out of everytime I left home. By 2007, it felt somebody had approached other driver or people in the haulage industry and were encouraging possible to view them breaking into my home/trespass/intrusion. My whole private life felt like a tourist attraction! Emotionally and Psychologically I felt constantly violated to be honest.
It was very clear to me there was a disconnect to emotion in who so ever was seeking that level of condescending style of antics and revenge. The only good thing I eventually realised is that they either were a crowd pleaser and loved attention so everyone they groomed would someday be a potential witness. Even though their level of fear at being caught felt incredibly projective to me at least. The fear that I might just go on to be even more successful held unspeakable levels of ill intention jealously and hate. I became so weak by each realisation. I stopped caring for myself unintentionally my health...and never wanted to feel or look attractive ever again. That is what I felt like during those periods of time.
But despite writing about it all over and over again. It would still take me many years to realise and understand the systematic patterns of actions that were being directed toward me, and the steps I needed to take and am still learning to take.
It felt like who so ever was behimd this kind of personal attack was prepared to use anybody to achieve their aims.
Lack of proof
Lack of proof
And I was the biggest goof because all I had was a lack of proof, and they had long plan to do grew!
And all I would ever have was a lack of proof and even if I had proof it was heading right back to my sick sexually mentally and emotuonally abusive childhood where I'd be blamed anyway regardless of what I went on to do. Where I was naturally the filth scruge and scum whether I had got up and done something or not.
It began all over again endless panic attacks just at the thought of having to go out. I would get later and later, weaker and weaker until one point I was so near collapse I had to call the agency and blowout the shift just moments before i was supposes to be on site.
Despite all the jealously and abuse I loved what I did for a living, and all I had achieved as a Woman and a Mother...because I was in a sector of business with great opportunities. Eventually, overtime I could better see my own health and others and know how cruelty and prejudices can make opportunity seem almost non-existent. But not only that another financial disruption certainly for me was jusy being able to get on with a job without becoming personally involved. Returning to keeping things very professional after having made regrettably dreadful mistakes which I can happily forgive and forget but evidently there are some who cannot!
I became so scared indoors I would run around trying tidy up or disarrange things only to fund however I left my which had no secruity cameras or uncovered windows. No matter how I left my home by the time I either got to street level or to work to which ever company I was based at. A scene from my home how so ever I left my belonging would be replicated! It disgusted me. Which vibrationally and energetically felt like it slung me off my life course.
It felt a level of intimidation and deep pyschological maybe even pathological rage being played out which felt like it was being well supported and even funded.
I lived distraught feeling constantly uncomfortable. Eventually barely going out and found myself slung out and barely able to earn money. The effects of those times still haunt me to this day though I am working harder and harder to remain calm and overcome the constant triggers despite have move twice since it all began!
Lack of proof
Lack of proof
Even with some proof im accused.
Seening a collection of random things which look like my belongs replaced in a street scene somewhere it is hard explain a style of burglarly/trespass/intrusion possibly developed from intimate stalking abuses.
During these time loved ones were robbed abroad. Things have gone missing and unfamilar things have appeared. It feels like the very knowledgeable walk of those that know how to walk inbetween the lines of the law just by the very nature of their disorder!
It was to take me from 2006/7 till 16/02/2020 to finally catch intruders trespassing into home!
But I found it. It was just pre-covid-19. So even though reported images and videos are not the clearest. I have been advised to make further reports if I can gather more substancial evidence and witness reports. I felt it best to advise all who maybe affect close by. It has been enough for me to know i was not going barmy all those years ago when I knew in my heart of hearts in my gut and in my water somebody was breaking/bumping and banging their way into my property.
Years ago between 2009-2013. I had been getting up and falling down trying to get a home based business off the ground with little and nothing. I needed to energy to be appropriately directed toward my emotions so I could make a vibrational successful universal connection. But I would return home to find my minute efforts distrubed.
There seemed to me an unsual pattern of behaviour. Once I moved from where the incidents began or continued possibly since childhood, things stepped on a bit since I moved. It would appear my ability to just try and get on with life wasn't enough.
The trespassers/burglars/intruders stemmed a pattern of not just distrubing my home by their intrusion. But by 2009 the situation or I became highly psychically stressed oit or connected. I would return home to find I would feel drawn to look a cupboard or draw only to find items of clothing etc with about a half an inch cut in it...and that would be accompanied by something or someone in the surrounding area. I would got out and leave the kitchen area spotless only to return home to a pattern of screws being removed from the draws!
It was and is almost soul destroying and mind boggling. Because as is known all jealous behaviour can be hard to understand or digest among normal healthy happy people.
The continued stress of trying to convey there is a growing danger especially if loved ones are already delicate by nature or the effects of nurture - levels of survival where health can be maintained providing the delicacy of persons energy and mind is not triggered by the negative deeds and energy cause by the unwanted intrusions of the jealous wickedness and diseased cruelty and disorder of a stalker, or stalkers.
Especially, when or if it stems from ex's who threaten to abuse you years earlier in your life. Threaten to come between you and your children of it were possible...and years later you are over them...mind your own business getting on with your life next thing you know they've built an entourage around to systemically keep up the very same antic regardless of where you moved too!
Exhausting!
I am not claiming either that anything I have been gifted with in life to learn from...Good or Bad Abusive or Not is the worst ever case. There is much worse suffering in the world than I have ever known.
It just helps me remain well to give it the time it takes for me to share those experiences and open the converstation within about how I feel about regardinf what I have been through!
Life is a gift no matter confusing painful and hard it is for us to live through!
We are here on earth to learn find gratitude and open our mind and hearts to be Thankful no matter what!
The journey to learning about maintaining a healthy brain is quite liberating. Its taking me a lot longer than I expected but is giving me what I have always wanted!
Natural Flowism
A Freedom of Being!
Blessings and Love!
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